Adventures in 'Nam

I have 40 pages to write in 5 days...why not update the blog

2009-05-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna write papers and tu is gone so i have no one to procrastinate with...i'm home in like 6 days...crazy...i honest to god feel like i just got here...tu and i have been making extensive lists of things we will and won't miss once we return to the good ole U.S. of A...
Things I will miss:
1. People thinking i am "tall and beautiful"
2. 36cent Vietnamese coffee man
3. banh canh cua ladies who have our orders memorized and it confuses them to no end when either tu or i come in alone...they always ask where the other one is
4. Bubble Tea
5. Cheap exotic fruit
6. Spoons lady...there is woman that sits on the side of our street and sells spoons and mini bottles of alcohol...that's it spoons and alcohol...my kinda woman
7. having everything you need within a kilometer of your house
8. being able to walk down the street and buy ANYTHING you need...spoons, condoms, cigarettes, gum, fruit, food
9. The food
10. Asian Dumpling babies...i may or may not steal children before i leave...i think i can sneak em on the plane
11. Did i say the food...really the food...i don't know what i'm gonna do...good thing i bought cookbooks
12. the beaches...i still have dreams about phu quoc
13. Last but not least...my fan club...i think they'll miss me more though...
Things I won't miss:
1. Everyone wanting to practice their english with me
2. Xe Om drivers who chase me half a block screaming MOTORBIKE YOU at me...which means "excuse me ma'am would you like to take a ride on my extremely old motorbike...why yes you would have to sit extremely close to me while I drive like i'm on drugs through rush hour traffic...p.s. i smell like i haven't showered since the end of the war"
3. Vietnamese fashion...i never knew hooker chic was so popular
4. the employees at TLJ screaming "WELCOME TO TOUS LES JOURES" at you everytime you come in
5. Traffic...namely people who drive on the sidewalk and then honk at me
6. The heat/humidity...95F and only 80%humidity=a very nice day
7. My Vietnamese Teacher...no i still don't know the 6 tones...no this is not easy...vietnamese is kho, kho lam, rat kho, or kho qua not de...see look i learned something
8. Vietnamese clubs/bars...you just have to be there
As much as i've complained i'm gonna miss the only place in the world where you can get a vera wang dress made in a day for 25 dollars...eat all day for less than $5...and where (even if they say it in the most rude way possible) everyone is really trying to help ya out a little bit

Romeo and Juliet do Acid

2009-05-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

I've just gotten better from the worst case of food poisoning that i've ever had...but on the bright side it got me out of work and vietnamese for a day so it was totally worth it...because i didn't eat for three days i had some extra money lying around and decided that i should at least be a little cultured so i bought tickets to romeo and juliet (in english with Vietnamese subtitles...yes a play has subtitles) and for the ballet tonight (we'll see how that goes)...i was so freakin excited to see this play...it was done by a british acting troup doing a world tour...i should have known the play was doomed the minute i walked into the lobby and saw plastic chairs (that or the fact that it had subtitles should have given it away)...so lets just count the signs of doomdom before the play even started...number 1 the play has subtitles...number 2 white lawn chairs in the lobby...number 3 the camera crew seemed overly excited to see a white girl buying tickets for a play and immeadiately started filming me (note: i've also been filmed standing in line, giving a fake interview, and folding brochures-they filmed me folding brochures for 20 mins...i'm somewhat convinced i'm a vietnamese television star)...number 4 pyrotechnics (they shot off sparklers both inside and outside the theater right before the show started which in an all wood building that looks like it's about 100 years overdue for a fire inspection is nowhere close to safe)...number 5 the massive number of mosquitos swarming in the theater...number 6 RED SEQUINS EVERYWHERE...so i chose to ignore all these fab warning signs and settled in for one of my favorite plays with a very buff romeo (i had to pee before the show started so i got a sneak peek of the actors doing warm ups...boys=no good faces but OMG ABS)...it started off okay with the vietnamese people being a little horrified by any sexual innuendo and the stripper fab 13 year old girls sitting behind us bursting into hysterics anytime anything was the least bit sexual...it had promise...then all of sudden people started dancing and singing and this guy with a weird ass mask comes out holding a skull and i was lik whaaaa...i choose to ignore it...focus on what a terrible actress juliet was and try to figure out a way to meet mercuitio after the performance...then all of a sudden romeo apparently goes on a bad acid trip and statues start moving and dancing and singing and the weird ass death guy comes back...this goes on for the entire show...it was horrible...i wanted to cry...they ruined romeo and juilet unforgiveable...i have tickets to the ballet tonight...dear god please let it be good

Are they standing on Water Buffalo aka the stories of the study tour

2009-04-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

The magesticness (read out of Saigon) that was my study tour began at approximately 4:30 on Sat April 10th with desperate last minute packing so that I could actually make my 6am flight to hai phong...
Flight to Hai Phong
I make it through security and walk past an alarming large box of knives that people have had to discard...am informed that those are the knives people carry with them to cut up their fruit and that they just forgot they had them in their pockets when they went to get on a plane...realize this is entirely possible...am no longer freaked out by large box of knives...get on plane...see cute steward person...tu asks cute steward person for water he smiles at her and runs to go get it...i contemplate killing tu and stealing steward for myself...am served vietnamese version of "breakfast": roll, various unidentifiable meats, a small salad, a small pasta salad, watermelon, pineapple, and dragon fruit...i discover dragon fruit is much better with sugar...steal tu's sudoku book and hold it hostage for the rest of the trip...arrive in hai phong...go to baggage claim where everyone immeadiately starts smoking b/c two hours without a cigarette is about an hour and 59 minutes too long...get bags...fight off 12 taxi drivers who all yell madam at me and try and grab my bags and put me in a taxi...find tour guide...get in car and ask where closest coffee place is
3 hours later---HA LONG BAY
Beautiful...go to some caves...just a UNESCO world heritage sight blah blah blah...take 100 pictures of rocks...see a rock structure called fairy's nipple (guess what it looks like)...get back ont he boat...boat around for a while...wish it was sunny...run across floating village...get off boat and look for fresh seafood in floating village...get back on boat...eat seafood...go into food coma...wake up hour later...still on boat...get off boat...rains incredibly hard...sleep all the way to Hanoi
Hanoi
Hanoi is old...but there are less motorbikes and people i automatically like it more than saigon...i see white people...go to dinner...eat more than any one human should...go into food coma at 10pm...get up at 8am...am pissed b/c i have to wear pants to go see uncle ho's dead body and it's 95F...go to masoleum decide line is too long go to museum of ethnology...am pissed b/c i'm wearing pants...museum of ethnology is all about ethnic minorities...i take too many pictures...still angry about pants...find gift shop...anger goes away...replaced by desire to buy everything...go eat bun cha...eat more than one person should again...go to museum of fine arts...beautiful...angry about pants again...go back to guesthouse...sleep...go get dinner/find ice cream...happy again...go to bed...wake up...wonder around the city all day...it's really hot...decide to go to a bar on a sunday...find three australians wondering the streets...one is cute...cute one wants to talk to the two asian girls i'm with fml...i talk to the gay one all night while trying to ignore the 41 year old...find out hanoi has strict midnight curfew...it's 12:01...get locked in bar...am scared...see cute boy in corner...cute boy works for canadian embassy...am immeadiately more interested...get distracted by something shiny...realize doors are unlocked...leave...go to another bar...police come...i almost pee myself...run away...back to guesthouse...wake up with the asian version of the flu...stay in bed all day...get up to go see hoa lo prison...it's really hot...go back to sleep...next day still sick...haven't eaten in two days...get on ghetto ass overnight train to hue
Train to Hue
realize vietnamese trains stop in the middle of nowhere and also realize i cannot sleep on trains...stay awake for 12 hours
Hue
meet the tour guide that won't shut up...go to some old places...take too many pictures...it's really hot...find candy store...don't care about heat anymore...eat half a bag of bannanna candy...stomach reminds me i'm sick and i immeadiately regret eating candy...spend rest of day in bed paying for eating candy...wake up...get in car for hoi an
Car to Hoi An
Sleep...am excited about seeing other white people...pretty country side...nod along to w/e tour guide says...realized he's talked for 3 hours straight
Hoi An
OMG A SILK FACTORY...realize silk is cheap...realize tailors are everywhere...realize this is not good for my bank account...throw stuff in hotel room...find tailor number one called "happy"...have her make me two dresses...walk around...find a place to make me shoes...walk around...find another tailor who will eventually make me 3 dresses although i only started out with one...back to hotel...realize all money that was designated for food is going towards clothes...sleep instead of eat...wake up...go to ancient sight My Son on hottest day of the year...am miserable...think about killing annoying tour guide...go to visit first tailor realize there will be nothing "happy" about my dresses as they don't seem to get basic concept of sewing...pick up shoes...perfect...am happier...go to second tailor...dress is beautiful she says she will make me another one for very cheap price...i of course say yes...try and steal cute dog...go get second pair of shoes made...go to pool...find out vietnamese books melt in the sun...go back to sleep...wake up go to first tailor...still not "happy" with dresses...go to second tailor...dress is perfect...get another one made bringing total up to 3 from her...walk around see some important historical sights blah blah blah...go back to first tailor...still not happy...just take dresses...extremely upset...find place that has real chocolate for cheap...am no longer upset...eat way to much chocolate...realize i still have asian flu...go to sleep...wake up get last dresses...happy happy happy...get on train to Saigon...realize i still can't sleep on trains...am awake for 16 hours
Back to Saigon at 5am on 4/20...have to go to Vietnamese at 8am and work at 1...i was not a happy camper

Wait No What He's Not What...

2009-04-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

So i just saw someone pooping behind a bus stop rest area (bench with a plank behind it)...this person simply walked behind the plank thing pulled down the pants and squatted...i've seen people peeing behind there before but pooping that's a first...this little incident reminded me of my new fave games to play here in asia land...here they are (in no particular order):
1. am i gonna throw up or poop (hint: you can solve both by eating mass amounts of tums)
2. how many days in a row can i go without pooping before i notice something might be wrong
3. what's that smell?
4. can i buy clothes here or do i need to go back to the maternity store (i'm an xl in vietnam...it makes me sad)
5. what the hell am i eating it kind of looks like bacon...do they have bacon here?
6. how much guava do i have to eat before i can poop?
7. is that a small dog or a rat?
8. what the hell just hit me in the foot? (hint this game was played shortly after #7...answer: it was a very large rat that ran into my foot while i was waiting for my smoothie to get made in a little coffee shop...what did i do: picked up my foot said oh my god in vietnamese and let the ladies dog chase it under the table...then i drank my mango smoothie yuuum)
9. did i remember to put my cereal in the fridge (you have to do this or seal it up super tight in a plastic bag or all of the ants will get into it)
10. is this gonna taste like it does in america (answer...always no)
I've also been on a desperate hunt for cheap hershey's chocolate...i absolutely REFUSE to pay above 60.000 VND for a bag although all the supermarkets sell a bag for 100.000 VND (that's 6 USD and i'm just too damn cheap to pay that much now)
Oh and i finally turned 21...i did karoke...scored a 100%...the machine was obvi broken

Girls Gone Mild: Vietnam Edition

2009-03-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

I've been on spring break this week which meant i went far far away from the city...so last friday i got on an overnight bus to rach gia and then at 8 am got on a ferry for PHU QUOC...Phu Quoc is an island that has at least one of the "top 5 hidden beaches in the world" and also has like 0 people/traffic compared to the city...we stayed at the sea star resort in a garden view bungalow for 40 dollars a night...we had a gorgeous view of like a garden and were a 2 second walk from a practically deserted beach...i've never seen water as clear and blue as phu quoc and i've spent my fair share of time at nice beaches on the "emerald coast" of florida...there were also only ever about 20 people on our beach at one time which was amazing...on sunday we went on a snorkel tour which was amazing and hilarious b/c the girl i was traveling with spoke vietnamese and our tour guide was intrigued so we got to hear everything 3 times (once in english for everybody, once in vietnamese for her, and then one more time in english for me seeing as how the only thing i can say is my name is helen, i'm from america, and i'm 20)...we spent all day on the boat laying out in the sun and snorkeling and it was amazing except for the part where i forgot to put sunscreen on the tops on my legs and thus burned the shit out of them...the next 3 days we pretty much just laid on the beach and got hour long massages on the beach for 60.000VND (3.60 USD)...i'm finally tan again which is probably the best part of the entire break for me...the only bad part was tuesday we went all out and had a really nice expensive dinner but they didn't cook the seafood in our green beans right so i spent a better half of wednesday curled up in bed...now i'm back in the city which is still full of skeezy men but now that i'm not ghostly pale they're a little less intrigued by me which is nice...now i just have to convince myself to do all the homework i haven't done for the past 3 weeks

Delta Delta Delta

2009-03-08T03:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend (friday-sunday) we went to the mekong delta which was aaaaamazing...friday night we drove down to can tho which is about a 6 hour drive...but since our driver was probably a little under the influence we made it there in 4.5 or 5 hours...we got to can tho at like 8 at night and we just kind of walked around for a while then went to a coffee shop and got ice cream...then we went back to our hotel...let me just tell ya about hotel asia...it was amazing...actually it was just okay but it had...A SHOWER CURTAIN and one sheet that was actually the entire size of the bed so my feet didn't stick out and get cold...we woke up at 6 the next morning and had banh mi op la (bread and fried eggs...i now put soy sauce on my eggs..it's official i'm asian) and then got on a ghetto ass boat to go see a floating marekt which is way cool...a bunch of boats float around in the middle of the river with fruit tied to these big sticks they put up in the air so you know what they're selling...after the market we drove to the ho an research center like an hour away and met a group of japanese students (i was really hoping they would be cute europeans/australians...but now a bunch of asian girls...damn)...then we walked around in the woods (which pleased me to no end)...did i mention there were millions of ants that would crawl on you the minute you stopped walking...that was fun...so after our trek we went back to the center and ate more food than any one group of people should consume...still in our food coma we climbed back into the car and drove to vinh long where we met our tour guide who gave us FRUIT YEEEEEESSS...then we got on a nice boat and went about 20 minutes up river to a fruit nursery owned by an 88 year old man named Mr. Tiger...we got more fruit and listened to traditional vietnamese music (it was interesting)...then we got back on the boat and went for about 30 more minutes to mr. muoi's house...it was beautiful and there were hammocks...then we ate even more food and i crawled back into a hammock and explained what a food baby was to my roommate which led to us walking around the house the rest of the night telling people we were bon tam (4 months)...then i crawled under my mosquito net (yes mosquito net) and tried to go to sleep...which wasn't very successful...we got up at 630 even though we had pretty much been awake since 4 with the constant boat traffic on the river...for breakfast there was CHEESE...i was so happy i almost cried...then we got back on the boat and went for an hour and a half (i passed out after an hour) to a rice paper making house, a house that made candy, and a house that made popcorn...i of course bought candy...then we got back on the boat and saw a smaller floating market...then about an hour later we got off the boat and waited for our driver to take us back to saigon...well he showed up and was looking extra fidgety today but i was just like w/e and climbed into the back and lay down and went to sleep for like an hour until i was awoken by violent side to side motions and sudden speed changes...our driver was def coming off of his high and we were suffering as were the poor people on motorbikes around us...we got back to saigon in record time and i've never been happier to see solid ground in my life...now i'm putting off my homework...

Hey Honey Cookie

2009-03-05T20:07:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired of skeezy vietnamese men yelling at me from motorbikes, sitting on the street, in garbage trucks, etc. ..although i give creativity points to the one who yelled HEY HONEY COOKIE...that's honestly one i haven't heard before...last night i went to the rooftop bar at the caravelle hotel which was absolutely beautiful (but expensive) i actually took pictures so i'll put them up soon...last weekend we went out bar hopping...i thought i was a light weight before well i now have the tolerance of a 2 year old which of course worked out fantastic for me...we went to go2bar which is in the backpacking district had a drink left went bar hopped a little then ended up at apocalypse now which had a really strange mix of people...old british men that thought i was british and sketchy south africans that "want to ear from us soon"...i'm going to the mekong delta this weekend which is exciting and i promise to take pictures

2 crazies and Momma Food

2009-02-27T06:20:00.000-08:00

Hokay so i met two crazies and mamma food this week:
Crazy #1: We went to go have coffee with our program director on monday at this little coffee shop by school and as we are walking into where all the tables are (it's an open air cafe) this woman pops out of nowhere and grabs me and starts yelling hello at me...to which i just respond ahhhh ummm hi and she keeps shaking me and yelling hello at me...then decides i'm boring and walks to the back of the coffee shop
Crazy #2: I worked at a college fair on thursday that my internship does twice a year...I was making packets of pamphlets and handing them out to students when this older, grungier looking man comes up to me and is like HELLO VERY NICE TO MEET YOU then sticks out his hand to shake it which i do...i don't think anything of it until he comes up to me about 20 minutes later and starts asking me all kinds of questions...after the second question one of the men that works with me comes over and says "he comes to all of our fairs, we think there is something wrong with his mind, he only ever wants to talk to the foreigners"...at this point i become a little alarmed and wonder where the security for the 5-star hotel is...the man just kept yelling at me in english for a good 10 minutes until someone grabbed me to help tape up boxes
Mamma Food: On Monday after coffee with our director we decided to try this restaurant right across from the french consulate...it was only 11am so there weren't many people there...we walk in sit at a table and start looking at a menu...then this woman magically appears and is like come with me i show you the food...she takes us back to a buffet and we just get to point and tell her what we want and she makes sure we get a lot and the best of it...we all got rice, veggies (which we never get to eat b/c we have to eat every meal out), soup, and a main dish (i got stuffed tofu yuuuuuuuum)...so we basically got a mountain of food....so we eat and then ask her how much we owe her and she says 25.000 which is only $1.50 for a MOUNTAIN of food...as we pay the bill and go to leave she keeps telling us to come back and that she really likes us...so on wed we went back to see if she remembered us and sure nough she did which was great so i have a feeling mamma food is a person we shall be visiting a lot
Oh and the one plus of being a white girl in vietnam...everybody automatically thinks you are vurry pretty...of course i can't understand them but that's what mai and tu tell me they say...who knew....

I have met the love of my life

2009-02-22T07:15:00.001-08:00

Sooo it's been a pretty low key weekend but Friday night we went out to a really great dinner with tons of food and then to a coffee shop called acoustic...acoustic is a really cute coffee shop that has live music most nights of the week and the music is in ENGLISH YYYYYYESSSSS...i get so excited when i hear anything is in english now it's ridiculous...so we got to acoustic at 8 so that we could get a table and sat around and talked until the music started at 9:30...a little while after we got there a guy that takes vietnamese at the same place as us showed up and we have affectionately (or not so affectionately) named him skeeves well skeeves promptly began hitting on poor little vietnamese girls and i'm really looking forward to tomorrow when he tries to talk to us about it...also before the music started an extremely old man with a 20-30 something asian woman showed up and we named him cb...thank god for creepy men keeping us entertained until the music started...then the performers showed up and it turns out the vietnamese people really like there simple plan and other early 90s rock music and early 80s joan jett and carly simon...the first two performers came and then the LOVE OF MY LIFE got on the stage...he may be an extremely short korean man but i love him nonetheless...the first song he sang was maroon 5 this love and then i thought to myself if he sings gavin degraw i will be in love...sure 'nough next song was gavin degraw i dont wanna be...needless to say i will be at acoustic stalking poor short korean boy/man for the next few weeks...then a girl we affectionately named crazy white bitch showed up...crazy white bitch tried to grab my hand so that i would dance with her and i immeadiately thought to myself omg omg omg i'm gonna get the herps but she soon turned her attention to asian nelly who appeared to be approx 16 max 18...but she got bored with him and promptly sat down next to another white guy and began to groom him (it looked like she was checking his hair for lice)...crazy white bitch then tried to make him dance with her and when he wouldn't she lit a cigarette and started waving it around and almost burned every person sitting at my table...then she grabbed some guys drink and chugged some of it which made the men yell at her in vietnamese/korean and demanded she buy them another drink...which she did but not before she gave the white guy she was grooming earlier a sip of it...ohhh and there were some cute white guys who were taller than me!!!!!!!! standing in the back of the coffee shop so i have a feeling i will be spending a lot of time at acoustic...english music and boys taller than me...it's a winner all around

I don't wanna take off my shoes

2009-02-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

So these last few days have been a blur. We started classes and i have one on one vietnamese lessons 3 times a week for 2 or 3 hours and lets just say i'm hopeless although if i realllllly wanted to i could probably catch a xe om (motorbike taxi) and get them to take me home for a ridiculously high price b/c SUPRISE i look like i don't live here (who would have thunk it). So last night the two other girls on the program and i all went out to dinner with our roomates to this really good thai place in our district. We rode motorbikes to get there and lets just say i much perfer walking. This was my second time on a motorbike and i'm getting better about not looking completely and utterly terrified but it still scares the crap out of me most times. I just don't like the feeling of seeing 30 other motorbikes flying at you. My chances of getting hit by another motorbike are greatly decreased if i'm walking on the sidewalk (note: greatly decreased...not gone b/c people do rides those things on the sidewalk)...so after dinner they suggested we go to a cafe so we drive to what looks like this skeevy looking car wash and walk up some questionable stairs and read a sign that says please put your shoes in the locker...i immeadiately think aw hell no i ain't takin off my shoes but i did and it turns out the cafe was actually this really nice japanese style cafe with hardwood floors and cushions on the floor to sit on. It also turns out it was play night so we watched a two hour play in vietnamese...i understood approximately two words so someone had to translate for me. After the play some of the girls wanted to meet the actors so they came over and talked to us for a while and then told me i didn't understand anything and laughed (which is true but still they didn't have to say it) but then we went "home"/back to the hotel and i promptly passed out...this weekend we're suppossed to get wireless so fingers crossed i'll be able to keep in touch with everybody better if that happens!
<3 and miss

Yes...I am alive

2009-02-15T06:26:00.000-08:00

I made it here (even though i just discovered i threw away my arrival-departure card...score 1 for helen)...So to begin the trip i woke up at 4am on thursday morning in atlanta and then flew to chicago with a four hour layover then got on a plane to hong kong and right as we were getting ready to take off we had to turn back around because one of the engines wasn't working (not the thing you want to hear before a 15.5 hour flight) so we got delayed 2 hours and after 17.5 hours i landed in hong kong and then barely made my flight from hong kong to saigon...made it through customs and went outside to the beautiful 85 degree 90% humidity and met my roomate named tram...i did not sleep AT ALL on any of my flights so i was awake for 34 straight hours...but thanks to my 34 hour marathon jetlage hasn't been a problem at all...there are 2 other girls on my program Mai and Tu both of who speak vietnamese (thank god) and poor them have to babysit me b/c if i get lost it's basically a hopeless situation...the food here is AMAZING (i haven't gotten sick yet...fingers crossed) and vietnamese coffee=crack it's so addictive and strong it's pretty much just sweetened condensed milk (sua)...the streets here are PACKED with motorbikes and crossing the street=taking your life in your hands...it's ridiculous i'm pretty sure there are more motorbikes than people...you just have to make eye contact with them and start walking and hope that they will move to avoid you...we had orientation on saturday which was basically breakfast and a 2 hour walking tour then our director gave us a map and just said go for it...hence we've basically been wondering aimlessly around the city which has been fun but confusing...the infrastructure here is in pretty poor condition...streets/sidewalks have tons of pot holes and masssive number of power and phone lines (most of which are low enough to hit me in the top of the head)...you have to be really careful where you walk too b/c power lines will just be laying in the middle of the sidewalk...but enough of that...tu and i went on a "date" for valentines day date we were looking for a bar in one of the nice hotels in the city and stumbled upon a pretty nice bar called soa and had drinks (well a drink) and it was strange b/c none of the couples were talking to each other...relationships here are really different...but yeah sooo that's my long rambling update...wireless here is really unreliable so video chatting is probs not gonna be that practical...right now i'm sitting in a place kind of like a french starbucks but the internet here can go down at any time...i'll try and keep y'all updated...facebook messages containing various sorid stories are appreciated!!
Miss and <3

What I know so Far

2009-02-02T10:33:00.001-08:00

Okay so I leave in 10 days and here's what I know so far:
There are 2 other people on my program (just 2...which gives a grand total of three)
I'm going to be working at a school/continuing education place for my service learning placement
I'm pretty sure my Vietnamese classes are going to be one on one sessions
I still only know the phrase "the boy is under the plane"
My travel time is really freaking long
I will be 12-13 hours ahead depending on daylight savings time
I have to take my malaria medicine everday
Last but not least I know what my address is but I can't say any of the words in it besides District 1 which isn't even Vietnamese so won't be helpful when I get lost